You unpack your bags at mom and dad’s house after four glorious years away at college, relieved that the problems you faced in that institution of higher learning have since melted away. But after weeks of unsuccessfully tracking down a job, you realize that forgetting to study for an econ exam that will test your knowledge of debt-to-income ratio is less frightening than actually having debt and no income.
Welcome to the real world.
Like you, as a recent college graduate at the age of 22, I lived in a state of purgatory, with no stability to speak of. The one source of consistency in my life was a girlfriend entering her final year of college, 500 miles away. And yet, though any normal human in such a frightening state of flux might try to hold onto any semblance of stability, somehow I knew that I could do anything but that. Having witnessed the experiences of an older brother and older friends who had made terrible mistakes of their own, I knew that what I actually needed was a fresh start. In order to fully understand who I was and who I was going to become, I needed to break up with my girlfriend and explore the world on my own.
Recent male college graduates are a lot like uranium: toxic and highly unstable. Not surprisingly, they carry with them some of the same traits they display during their last year as big men on campus. But the confidence and machismo that once garnered attention from the ladies merely translates to immature and obnoxious behavior in the post-college years.
In the real world, graduate guys are clueless freshmen once again, starting fights and buying bottles at the club to overcompensate for resurfacing feelings of insignificance. Sure, male grads have some value to the ladies – they’re not yet jaded and can still eat mozzarella sticks at 2:00 AM without being at risk of forming a dad bod – but they’re better suited for sowing their wild oats for a couple of years before settling down with someone for the long haul.
On the other hand, female alumni are in a very different boat from their 23-year-old male counterparts. Hell, they’re not even in the same ocean. Many women, unlike most men, begin to feel the urge to find a life partner shortly after college (for some, that biological clock starts ticking the day after graduation). But of course, no woman should freak out about being single, even at 27. It’s wonderful if you find the love of your life in college or right afterwards – but post-college years are perfectly suited for “scouting”. I recommend spending a few years after school making plenty of mistakes and figuring out exactly what you don’t want.
My message to all recent college graduates is simple: be selfish. Delineating oneself from the rest of the pack is an art that few master immediately. One of the easiest ways to lose sight of becoming a healthy, independent adult is through forcing a relationship, which can confuse a young person even further. Instead, first focus on finding a job; next figure out how to live on your own. Then, only once you are settled and truly understand yourself should you attempt to share your world with someone else.
