How should you deal with a partner who’s expecting another man’s baby?
So your new girlfriend is pregnant… but the baby definitely isn’t yours? Before you call Maury Povich for advice, know that we’ve got you covered.
Of course, if cheating was involved, you can feel safe cutting ties – you don’t need that type of drama (or mistrust) in your life. But sometimes the situation is more complicated. Perhaps she got pregnant towards the end of her last relationship, and didn’t know it until after she started dating you. This is undeniably a tough situation, but by thinking through the situation and all of its variables, you’ll be able to choose a course of action that will make the most sense for everyone involved.
Assess The Relationship
First and foremost, it’s important to decide whether your relationship is worth fighting for, considering this interesting plot twist. If you don’t know each other very well (or at all), it could be risky in the extreme to just “see where it goes”. Fall in love with that baby, but not with its mother, and you might be in for a rough ride later on.
Conversely, you wouldn’t want to have any resentment for the innocent child of another man.
But most importantly, you need to think long and hard about how you really feel about your partner. Can you see a future with her? Is love on the horizon? Does she seem trustworthy? Remember, being pregnant doesn’t necessarily make a woman less likely to break your heart or leave without notice or explanation – while alternatively, her attachment to you could make it even more difficult to back out down the road. So be sure that you have strong feelings before you commit.
Talk to The Mother About What She Wants
If you’re both quite young, you might not be ready to deal with a baby right now – but whether the mother keeps the baby or not is entirely her decision. Communication is always the most important element of any relationship, and it’s that much more important in this scenario. Talk to your girlfriend about what she wants to do, and what she’d require from a potential long-term partner. Understand her needs, and be willing to provide them. Whether you are in favor of keeping the baby or not, you must be 100% supportive of your partner’s ultimate decision, and must not put any pressure on her to take a different route.
Discuss the Biological Father’s Role
Establish whether the biological father will be involved, or even told, about the baby he will be fathering. Ask your girlfriend whether she wants him involved, and to what degree. Don’t be shy about your feelings – they will help your girlfriend better understand what she’s getting into if she decides to continue the relationship with you, as well. Although it might be painful, you should also confirm that your partner has cut all romantic ties with the father of her child. If she intends to have him in her life, you want to be certain she no longer has any feelings for him in that way, or else things could get very, very messy. If she’s not sure, give her some space and ask her to think about whether or not it’s really over.
If you do decide to stay together and keep the baby, then you’ll need to figure out how to tell people about your decision. While there are some definite no-no topics of conversation when meeting your partner’s parents for the first time, you should consider sharing this news with them very soon. It’s a big deal, and pregnancies have deadlines. Adopting a new family can be a beautiful thing – as long as you’re willing to dive in head first, and not withhold any secrets.
