Pleasing a partner in bed can be more difficult than it sounds. And the truth is that it’s generally easier for a man to achieve orgasm than it is for a woman. Before you dismiss this claim as lazy sexism, know that studies have shown that men have more orgasms than straight women do. And more women than men are incapable of having an orgasm altogether.
Why Is It More Difficult For Women?
One significant reason for this is the sheer complexity of the female sex organ versus that of the male’s: the vagina is made up of a great many layers and parts, creating a landscape which can seem like a mysterious alien planet to an uninformed guy.
The clitoris, for example, is an extremely valuable source of pleasure for a woman, and yet it has no direct reproductive tie – in other words, any female can get pregnant without stimulation of the clitoris’s wondrous glans. Add to this the fact that we men are impatient, savage beasts wired for ejaculation at the mere drop of a hat (or pair of pants, as would perhaps be more fitting), and you’ve got one serious misalignment of biological priorities in the bedroom.
Perhaps it’s no surprise, then, that so many men fail to bring their partners to orgasm, despite the grand ol’ time they might have had themselves. Though the guy might have gotten his rocks off, his female partner is lying there afterwards as if waiting for a bus. Thus, the lady leaves frustrated, and the disappointment weighs down on both partners in the relationship.
Take Your Time
If you’re a man familiar with this issue, the first tip I can recommend is to slooooowwwww dowwwwwn. Most women require much more foreplay than men do to achieve sufficient sexual arousal for an orgasm.
Foreplay also allows you to make an emotional connection with your partner, which will not only help her to feel more invested in the sex, but is something that you will both benefit from long after the bed has stopped rocking. Take your time to gently kiss, touch, and rub her in various erogenous zones (e.g. her neck, ears, nipples, inner thighs) before going for the grand prize. As a wise man once said to me, “It’s a marathon, son – not a sprint” (though, for the record, that man was 40 years older than I).
Explore With Oral Sex
Once things have heated up, oral sex is a great way to prolong the action without you risking climaxing too early. Start slow, working your way from her thighs to the periphery of her vagina. Eventually, you can begin to experiment with different oral techniques and focus them on different parts in order to discover what she likes best. But whatever you do, don’t use your tongue to “penetrate” her as if with a mini-penis. It doesn’t work like that.
Communication is Key
Finally, and most importantly, you must communicate with your partner. Have her explain explicitly what it is she likes and doesn’t like. Invite her to show you, during sex, which areas she wants you to focus on, and how she likes to be touched there. I wouldn’t recommend hounding her throughout the entire interaction (“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”), but you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for a temperature read now and then.
When facing this roadblock for the first time, both you and your partner may experience fleeting moments of hopelessness, and it can seem like everything has gone wrong. But if you both care about one another enough, and are able to keep the lines of communication open about your mutual wants and needs, you can maturely navigate these choppy waters to have some of the best and most rewarding sex either of you have ever experienced.
