My introduction to desensitizing sprays and delay creams was through a sex shop. It was my first job at a sex store, and this happened to be one where, in addition to the vibrators and blow up dolls, we sold products with names like Stud 100 and China Brush (question: is it fair to judge the quality of a product by how racist it is, or how clearly it preys on men’s sexual performance anxiety? answer: yes, yes it is).
I hadn’t tried the products or even thought much about how they worked, until one Friday night when I picked up the phone and the caller on the other end, a woman, started trying to ask me a question.
I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I thought maybe she was drunk (we got a lot of drunk calls, especially on the weekend). But she wasn’t. I thought she sounded like someone who had just had dental surgery. That wasn’t it either, but I was close.
What she was asking was how long desensitizing sprays lasted, and how long it would take before the numbing effects wore off. Through patience (and thankfully some humor on both ends of the conversation) I came to understand that she and her boyfriend had purchased a delay cream from some other store, and after applying it she performed oral sex on him, which transferred some of the cream to her mouth. Which she no longer had full control over. She tried the store where she had purchased the product, but the person at that store had hung up on her.
I didn’t have much to offer her at the moment, but her temporary numbness wasn’t in vain. I have used her experience as a cautionary tale with hundreds of customers over the years who have asked if they should try a similar product.
What Are Desensitizing Sprays?
There are a range of products that come in the form of sprays, creams, and most recently disposable wipes, that are designed to prolong an erection and are sold with the promise of making sex last longer.
All of these products work the same way. They include a topical anesthetic or numbing agent (usually lidocaine or benzocaine) which decreases penile sensitivity resulting in delayed ejaculation for most men who use it. They are applied to the penis at some point prior to sexual stimulation (how long depends on the product).
That’s a technical description. In practical terms you can think of these products as something of a deal with the devil: you give up sexual feeling and you get erectile stamina. These products numb the penis, so you won’t feel what’s happening, but at least “what’s happening” can happen longer.
The significant difference in the products that are available is whether or not they are compliant with FDA guidelines and marketed as being a serious intervention or are marketed and sold as a “novelty”.
FDA Approved (Or Compliant) Products For Premature Ejaculation
There are a few products that comply with FDA guidelines and are marketed as “solutions” for premature ejaculation. They aren’t called treatments and they aren’t called novelties. They are something in the middle and if you’re interested in trying one of these products these are probably the safest bet.
With names like Endure, Promescent, and Preboost these products play off of the expectation that real men get erections on demand and keep them as long as they want to. This is a completely unrealistic expectation (it’s not something you can expect from any part of your body). But the product does what it says it does.
They are safe to use with condoms, and can be used with lubricant. Some of the products have a smell and taste, and I recommend trying it out on your own before using it with a partner. Obviously these products should not be used by anyone with an allergy to the chemical ingredients.
Non-FDA Compliant Delay Creams And Sprays
Years before the Internet, less scrupulous sex shops sold a variety of products that promised the same thing as these pseudo-medical products do today. Most of these products contained the same topical anesthetic as the more legitimate ones do. Some of them don’t even list the ingredients, these should be avoided altogether. If a product doesn’t include information about condom compatibility and doesn’t offer a way of contacting the manufacturer, if a product trades not only anxiety about sexual performance, but also racist stereotypes, I wouldn’t take the physical or moral risk. There are enough products that are generally safe to try, that are easily available online or at your local drug store.
Should I Use Any Of Them?
For most people these products aren’t risky, and if you want to see what it’s like the most you’ll lose is the $30-$80 you’ll spend.
But whether you ask yourself before or after you try one of these so-called lasting longer sprays, you really should be asking yourself what it means to decide that you’d rather have sex without feeling for 30 minutes than sex with feeling for 5 minutes.
There are ways that most men can learn to control premature ejaculation without the use of any chemicals. And one of the reasons I love premature ejaculation is that it pushes penis owners to explore all the ways to have sex that don’t rely on an erection. The truth is that there are way more things to do sexually that don’t require an erection than things that do.
And if you’re having sex to feel good, to feel connected to someone else, then it really behooves you to ask whether numbing yourself (be it with a desensitizing product or some other drug, like alcohol) is an indication that maybe this isn’t sex you should be having.
