Sometimes It’s In Your Best Interest To Step Away From The Game For A Bit
Gone are the days of meeting a potential mate solely by chance in a bar or the supermarket – with today’s vast array of dating apps and matchmaking websites, a single person can’t avoid the constant barrage of notifications, advertisements, and emails that keep dating in the forefront of our consciousness at all times. Add this to all of the everyday anxiety caused by life in the modern world, and you’ve got a recipe for dating overload.
If you’ve been feeling stressed about your romantic life, and suspect that you might benefit from a dating vacation, ask yourself the following seven questions. Answer yes to more than two, and it’s probably best to take a few weeks – or even months – off from actively playing the field:
Did you just get out of a long-term relationship?
This first question is the most direct, and can be answered with a simple yes or no. If you cut ties with a partner you’d been dating for more than six months less than three weeks ago – or you simply still feel rocked by the break up regardless of when it happened – you need to step back from dating and give yourself the opportunity to move on before moving into the arms of someone new.
Have you recently suffered any personal trauma?
Whether due to a death in the family, the loss of a pet, a personal accident, or otherwise, trauma can emotionally stunt a person indefinitely. Of course, while you don’t want to let a past experience control your life forever, you have every right to take the time necessary to cope with whatever you’ve experienced before taking on the burden of dating again.
Allow yourself to heal or grieve, first.
Are you currently looking for work?
If you’re out of a job right now, it’s probably not the best time to also hunt for companionship. Not only is it important that you can take care of yourself financially before attempting to intertwine your life with anyone else, but a career provides confidence and even a sense of identity – both highly attractive qualities to a mate. Hey, no one wants to date a bum.
Do your friends or family seem concerned?
Though you may not realize just how inappropriate dating is for you right now, the people who love you might be well aware. One nagging, worried mother is anything but cause for alarm (especially for a Jewish boy like myself) – but when multiple people are telling you to slow down, you really need to listen. Friends and family can often see things more objectively than you.
Are you experiencing a run of bad luck?
Of course, not everyone has a support system of trustworthy confidants offering guidance or advice, so if you’ve been on three, five, or twenty (oh boy…) dates in a row that have ended in semi-disaster (or worse), you should consider taking a breather from dating to hit the reset button. You might not realize how your most recent string of dates has affected your confidence.
Are you feeling exceptionally insecure?
Or, you could be well aware of how your recent experiences have affected your performances on dates. Are you unable to relax, make eye contact, or speak actual, human words to your date? Nerves and surface insecurities are totally normal; paralyzing fear, however, is not. If the latter sounds familiar, spend some time with your pals to rebuild your confidence before diving back into the dating pool.
Are you totally fed up?
Last – but certainly not least – do you want to take a break? This is perhaps the clearest, and most obvious sign that it’s time to chill, yet you’d be surprised how many people ignore the instinct. It’s not like you have to ward off potential partners for life – taking a few weeks to center yourself can only help. Trust me, when you start dating again, no one will ever turn you down because you look “too healthy and rested”.
