When Is It Appropriate To Break Things Off Via Text Message?
In this day and age of increasingly sophisticated technology, face-to-face interactions have become extraordinary occurrences. Dating apps, social media, and text messaging have replaced the need for in-person communication – or even phone calls. Hell, I know a guy whose girlfriend told him she loved him for the first time via Snapchat, and another who had his first sexual experience over Skype!
But when it comes to the sad or serious stuff (i.e breaking up), is it appropriate to deliver bad news electronically?
In general, I can tell you that it’s not. To “break up” implies that there were ties to be broken in the first place – and a true partner deserves more respect than that. But there are certainly some exceptions to this blanket rule, depending on how long a couple has been hanging out together.
Here are some quick and dirty guidelines for breaking up over text, according to the length and seriousness of each relationship:
One Date / Hookup
In the case that you’ve been out with someone only once before, not even a text is necessarily required to extinguish the flame. Sometimes a one-time-thing is just a one-time thing, and dropping contact or ignoring further advances can prevent you from making the same mistake twice. But of course, the most honorable course of action is to politely convey back that you’re not interested in pursuing anything further (or lie and use an excuse, such as “my dog ate my Google Calendar”).
Two Dates / Hookups
With only two evenings spent together, you can break things off easily without much risk of breaking a heart – which is when it might actually be best to end things via text.
Keep your message short and straightforward, while being sensitive to the possibility that the person you’re dumping might not be on the same page: “I really enjoyed our time together, but I don’t think we’re a match” might work. But there’s no reason to get brutally honest or too personal with an admission such as “You remind me too much of my dad”.
Three Or More Dates
You might also be able to get away with bidding adieu over text if you only shared three dates spread out over a long period of time. But if the romance has been especially passionate throughout the course of more than a couple of weeks – even if you haven’t established exclusivity yet – the only right thing to do is to end the engagement in person or on the phone. Use your better judgment if you think the person you’re dating might be getting fairly attached.
One Or More Month Of Dating (Or Dating Exclusively)
Once you’ve been dating for a month (and quite often, much sooner, depending on the rate of growth of the relationship), there’s really no excuse for a break-up over text. By this point in time, your partner is likely invested in the relationship, and you owe them the courtesy of hearing your voice when you put things to rest. In-person closure is obligatory if you’ve previously discussed and established exclusivity – otherwise, a phone call will get the job done.
Happy heartbreaking!
