Honeymoon sex, like weddings and honeymoons themselves, are loaded with meaning and heavy with expectation. Are we going to have enough sex on our honeymoon? Will it be sex I’ll remember for the rest of my life? Will our sex life be different now that we’re married?
Of course there aren’t right and wrong answers to these questions. And the answers themselves are less important than the opportunity to share with your partner the questions you have, and talk about why you have them.
One of the great benefits of choosing to get married and having/surviving your wedding is that it provides an opportunity for your relationship to grow. Each of you has a choice to make about whether or not you want to use the opportunity. The same can be said for your sexual relationship before, during, and after the honeymoon. Here are a few things you may want to think about, and talk with your partner about, to reduce the expectations that create performance anxiety around honeymoon sex, and increase the chances that sex on your honeymoon is something you will remember.
First Time Honeymoon Sex?
If you haven’t been sexual with the person you’re marrying it’s important to realize that sex does not come naturally. Giving and receiving sexual pleasure is a unique interaction and everyone needs to feel their way around it (pun intended). Sometimes first time sex is awesome. Most of the time, even if it’s good, it’s still not as good as it gets. This isn’t meant to suggest that you must have sex before your honeymoon, only that if you’re being sexual for the first time on your honeymoon, don’t assume that the sex you have will represent what your sex life will be like for the rest of your relationship.
Honeymoon Sex for the Sexually Experienced Couple
If you and your spouse already have a sexual relationship, the meaning of honeymoon sex changes, it may be a lot more like vacation sex, but maybe with nicer clothes on the floor. Just as some couples who live together before getting married decide to spend the night before their wedding apart, some couples take a break from sex for a few days or more before the wedding. There’s no physical benefit to this, but it can create a kind of break in routine that may shake things up sexually.
Talking About Honeymoon Sex
Why talk about honeymoon sex in the first place? For starters, it’s a good way to deal with worries or anxiety you both may have about sexual expectations during the honeymoon. It’s fun to imagine all the things you might do on your honeymoon, and imagining the sex can be fun too. It’s also a chance to share some of your sexual thoughts, feelings and desires. You can talk and even plan honeymoon sex and still leave plenty of room for surprises and magic. It’s not about revealing it all, but learning to share some of this stuff will serve you well throughout your relationship.
If you can’t imagine how to start a conversation about honeymoon sex, below are six sentences that need finishing. If you’re comfortable, you could use these sentences to start a conversation. If you’d rather you can each write down your answers, and then swap papers.
- Three things I’ve heard from friends about sex on your honeymoon are…
- What’s most important to me about sex on our honeymoon is…
- One thing I would really like to do to you on our honeymoon is…
- One thing I wish you would do to me is…
- I’m nervous about honeymoon sex because…
- Honeymoon sex is important to me because…
- Add a sentence of your own.
Preparing for Honeymoon Sex
If you’re going to be having any kind of first time sex on your honeymoon you may find reading about sexual technique provides some context to your expectations. Sex educators don’t call masturbation the cornerstone of sexual health for nothing, so if you aren’t already doing it, you may want to practice on your own to prepare. If you haven’t heard the term honeymoon cystitis, you want to know about it before the honeymoon. This is another term for urinary tract infections, so named because they’re more likely to happen if a woman hasn’t had intercourse recently and then has it a lot, something that was more common in the days when abstinence until marriage was practiced, and not just preached.
Packing for Honeymoon Sex
Putting together a honeymoon sex kit is a lot more fun than assembling bonbonieres or fiddling with a seating plan. Here are a few suggestions for any honeymoon sex kit:
1. Safer Sex Gear
If one of you can get pregnant and you weren’t planning on that becoming one of the goals of honeymoon sex, you don’t want to forget birth control. And if you’re thinking about adding any new sexual activities into the mix on your honeymoon make sure you’ve got latex or non-latex gloves and/or dental dams, plus lubricant. They’re must haves for exploring activities like anal sex, and they double as props if you want to play doctor!
2. Sex Toys
For a fun pre-honeymoon exercise visit a sex shop together. Split up and each of you agree to buy one small toy to use on, or with, your partner. Don’t reveal your choice to your partner until you’re ready to use it on your honeymoon. Just be sure you know the best way to travel with sex toys for couples, so this exercise doesn’t end with one of you being pulled off the plane.
3. Erotica.
Reading sex stories to each other can be a romantic and hot thing to do. If you’re not that comfortable sharing personal sexual fantasies with each other it can also feel like a safer way to share.
