…And What To Do About It
Your boyfriend or husband doesn’t have to come home at 4AM smelling like perfume and strawberry lip balm for you to strongly suspect something shady is going on. The first sign might just be a subtle – but consistent – change in behavior.
But if he truly is guilty, there are some ways to be more certain – and a few more ways to get to the bottom of the situation. If you can answer yes to three or more of the following six questions below, your fella might just be sneaking around:
Is he less available than usual?
The single most obvious sign that something’s up: If he seems much busier than usual and responds much less frequently to texts, calls, or emails – call him out on it. Calmly try to determine what, exactly, is taking up so much of his time lately, and see how willing he might be to make more time for you in the future. And if you’ve already caught him lying about his whereabouts – and it’s not because he was planning you a surprise birthday party – you’re more than likely dealing with a dirty rat.
Does he frequently lose his temper with you?
When you called him out on his lack of commitment to the relationship, did he listen and take your concerns under consideration, or become enraged like a rabid beast? Such behavior is unacceptable whether or not he’s cheating on you – but if it comes out of nowhere, it could be due to deeper frustration or the stress of an illicit affair. Make sure he knows that he can’t address you that way and get to the bottom of what’s troubling him.
Has he taken a new interest in personal health?
After five years on a strict burger n’ Cheetos diet, your dude suddenly takes an interest in working out and man-scaping. We tend to take the most care of ourselves at the start of a new fling as a means of impressing our potential paramours. See how sincere he is when he explains his reasoning for the new prioritization. Be careful, though: if his intentions are noble, you don’t want to scare him off from taking good care of himself!
Has he recently been disinterested in sex or the relationship in general?
A tricky one: decreased interest in bedtime activities could merely indicate a multitude of less serious issues. Such is likely the case if the problem has been slowly ramping up for months – but a sudden drop off might mean he’s being “satisfied” elsewhere, or even feeling ashamed of his actions. Still, be sure to engage sensitively in a thoughtful, in-depth discussion before jumping to any conclusions.
Is he deliberately hiding texts, emails, or other correspondence from you?
All relationships are built on trust – without a dependable foundation, a romance has no shot at becoming something more meaningful in the future. Beware the guy who shadily shuts his phone or laptop every time you’re at risk of peering over his shoulder. Of course, trust works both ways, and you shouldn’t be trying to crack his computer or email password (though if you do, try his pet’s name and his birth year). Better to keep everything out in the open to avoid such scenarios.
Do his positive efforts seem motivated out of guilt?
Finally, it’s important to stay alert to potentially phony acts of service. Every woman wants – and deserves to be! – treated like a princess. But if thoughtful favors are out of character for your guy and suddenly occurring every time you blink, he could be acting out of guilt. Again, assumptions must not be made until a thorough investigation is conducted, so take note if all of your guy’s positive acts follow a pattern, and seem to be more self-serving than authentic.
Bottom Line
Look, my goal is not to make you paranoid. Any one or two of these “signs” may have nothing to do with cheating. But if you’re at all concerned, the best and most important thing to prevent any of them from developing into larger problems is to keep the lines of communication wide open. Talk about anything and everything! The more open your relationship starts out, the less likely either of you will be to betray one another’s trust.
