Nail the marriage proposal your bride has always dreamed of
As an espoused man, I like to think of myself as a “marriage proposal veteran”. (I may have only had one “at bat”, but I can boast a 100% success rate!). For my future bride, I chose to propose via a personalized video that I played during a romantic weekend getaway on our third dating anniversary. And though my method of asking my then-girlfriend to marry me may not necessarily work for everyone, I’ve got a few general tips for any gentleman planning on popping the question that will help ensure a victory and prevent any potential embarrassment.
1. Rock the Ring
The act of securing a ring is the first – and probably most stressful – stage of the proposal planning process (say that three times fast). But if you’re able to nail it on your first try, your fiancée will be much less likely to “accidentally” lose it in the garbage disposal. So pay close attention to her conversations with friends and remarks on other people’s jewels. Not only did I eavesdrop on numerous exchanges during which my then girlfriend leaked hints about her preferences – I took silent notes as she commented on the choices made by TV’s The Bachelor. You’d also do well to borrow a few of her other rings, or get input from her best bud to assess her finger size and desired style.
2. Know Your Audience
As a comedian, I’m used to gauging a crowd and adjusting my performance accordingly – the same rule applies to proposing to your beloved. Sure, I love attention: if tradition called for the lady to propose to her hubs-to-be, I’d want her to do it in a tapdance number on America’s Got Talent for all of the world to see.
But not all women (including my wife) want to be proposed to in the midst of a public flash mob or sporting event. You must factor in your partner’s personality and interests when customizing a unique proposal for her. Similarly, acknowledge her tolerance for surprise: aim for that sweet spot that’ll keep her from falling asleep mid-proposal, without inciting her to puke out of terror or shock.
3. Keep It On The DL
However, no matter who she is, every potential fiancée appreciates at least some element of spontaneity. Try to clue in as few of her friends as possible (ideally: none) about when, where, and how you plan on making the big move. Even her tightest-lipped pals are prone to accidentally drop hints about the impending event. Similarly, informing her family is a thoughtful and generous endeavor, but there’s no need to bring them into the secret until a week before this thing actually goes down. That is, unless you need to procure a family heirloom from them to reset… in which case, good luck keeping a gag-order on an eager future-grandmother for three months!
4. Pay Parental Homage
To some it may seem unnecessary and old-fashioned, but there ain’t a Father of The Bride out there who wouldn’t like to grant a good ol’ fashioned marriage blessing. Asking a man for his daughter’s hand will show a level of class and initiative that sets a positive tone for your entire marriage. You can even modernize the tradition by requesting permission from Mom, too. But a phone conversation can only convey so much; in my experience, being able to address my sweetheart’s dad in the flesh enabled me to clarify just how dedicated I truly am to the woman I love. Paying respect in person will assuage any reservations your would-be in-laws could possibly have about the union (which are hopefully due to basic parental attachment, and not your criminal record).
5. Get Ready to Rumble
Before taking the plunge, I was warned by a married friend (i.e. all of them) that “proposing doesn’t buy time – it simply starts the clock”. He (they) was (were) right. As soon as the ring was on my fiancée’s finger, the wedding started rolling towards us like the merciless boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark. And sure, the stress will likely get the best of you at times (I recommend deferring any and all floral-related decisions to your fiancée). But keep reminding yourself that all of the planning is for the goal of celebrating one of the most joyous events in your life with every friend and family member who loves you. Get excited!
