If You’ve Ever Been Too Afraid To Ask Someone Out, Here’s How To Overcome It
If I had to identify one question I get asked the most by single guys, it’d certainly be “What’s the best way to ask someone out?”. And if I had to identify the question most asked by single girls, it’d be “Why won’t he ask me out?”.
Let me start by saying that I think there’s absolutely no reason why a woman shouldn’t make the first move. Ladies, if you’re into a guy, you should, by all means, invite him out for coffee or a cocktail.
But initiating shouldn’t be your sole responsibility, either – if a woman does happen to be the one who kicks things off, the guy should make the next move. Dating is a game of give and take. And as awesome as it is that there is more gender equality in our society than ever before, most ladies still appreciate it when a man can “man up” and ask her out.
Sure, here in my comfy chair behind my laptop computer, it’d be easy for me to make fun of those “testicularly challenged” males, but the truth is, most guys suffer from some level of approach anxiety – ranging from minor to “pant-peeing” – when dealing with women. Yes, even this author was, at one time, a victim. Feelings of intimidation and insecurity may overwhelm us and ultimately cause us to freeze up – and for many, the fear of failure is enough to keep us from taking a chance on pursuing a potential partner.
Well, for those gentlemen still suffering: you’re looking at it all wrong. You’ve got to embrace that fear and wear it like armor!
It may sound absurd, but while a rejection may feel like an immediate disappointment, each pick-up failure you chalk up is another feather in your cap. Not only does every failure bring you experience to know what not to do next time (“I guess ladies DON’T like first date invitations to strip clubs…”), but each will desensitize you further to failure, making it much easier to digest any future romantic letdown.
Those who fancy themselves PUAs (or “pick up artists”) love to comment on our satirical videos that we never seem to get any girls. And while that’s pretty much true, the thousands of rejections we’ve endured have rendered us nearly incapable of feeling fear when picking up ladies in our personal lives. I’d like to think it’s what helped me woo the lady I once met in a New York City bar who I now call my wife!
When we tour colleges, Jack and I tell students they should expect to fail at least nine times for every successful pick up. As long as you’re being polite and respectful (and hopefully using a bit of playful humor, too), there’s no shame in asking any woman out (once). Hoping for the best while accepting and welcoming the possibility of rejection will eliminate your worries and allow you to make mistakes again and again. With some time, you’ll find what works, and will eventually feel comfortable enough with yourself that you won’t even have to think about this stuff in the first place.
Oh, and ladies, if you’ve noticed it’s taking a guy an exceptionally long time to work up the courage, why not take a leap of faith by asking him out? If he’s not pulling his weight by date two, you can tell him outright what you want. Hey, if he isn’t reading this article, he’s gotta learn somehow!
