The first time a girl cheated on me, I remember smashing and breaking a lot of things. I remember marveling at what seemed to be an infinitely long period of grief for me, eventually deciding that I should either turn into a homosexual or resort to blow-up dolls for my romantic needs. It was my first relationship (I was 17 at the time and it was a one year LTR), and it seemed all too unfair that reality should choose to give me a grim check when I was still so inexperienced. If anyone ever told you about all the pain you would go through in life because of love, you’d find it soul-chilling. Relationships involve facing afflictions that would freeze the blood and drowning in truths that lay bare the hideous caricature of moral relativism.
It is not AFC to feel hurt, or to feel shattered; it is simply the nature of our humanity. The difference is that AFCs let themselves be hurt, whereas Alphas let themselves overcome their pains. I have more sympathy for the man who stood broken for only 3 days because he relinquished his love to a girl who didn’t deserve it, than to a serial monogamist who constantly totters on the brink of depression because he gives his heart away to any girl who would have it.
There are a couple of truths you begin to realize after a while. My first relationship (and my first real break up) was excruciatingly painful for me, yet I look back nowadays and laugh. Within a few years, the significance of the girl you are currently harboring a cosmic Oneitis over will be infinitesimally small. I know it’s cliche to say “time heals everything”, but it’s true. But more importantly, time is only a catalyst for numbing pain, you will feel as much pain as you let yourself feel; you will only be broken for as long as you let yourself be broken.
It’s not just with girls, I look back and think of all the things that I cared so much about when I was younger, and it all just seems like a burlesque dream to me now.
Think about when you were young and you idolized a girl in your head. What was she like? Mine was obsessed with fight club, played video games, was amazed by astronomy and science, was interested more in life than in boys, loved to read, and was partially bisexual. Now think about the girls in your life that you’ve given yourself to, are they what your younger self pictured? Think about where you are in life, is this where you wanted to be? We set aside so many of our shortcomings with callous rationalism, or justify so many things because it’s easier to just let go and not care or settle for less.
Think about how you want to be defined in life. There are generally two types of men and you get to find out which one you are after a break up or any serious failure. There are ones who find weakness when they are pushed down by life, and ones who find strength; ones who conquer worlds, and ones who let themselves be conquered by women; ones who define themselves by freedom and masculinity, and ones who let themselves be defined by others. You will tell yourself one of these two things after any break up: “Wow, I’m a lot weaker than I thought” or “Wow, I’m a lot stronger than I thought”. Choose.
For those of you who think that I must be some type of relationship guru forever blissful in his love life; it took me about 1 ½ years to really get over being cheated on by a girl who I today consider less significant than how often pornhub updates their content. And it’s not just one isolated instance, I fail over and over and over and over again.
Resentfulness and spite breed hate and negativity. Learn to let go of things that don’t matter. Women aren’t deceitful or evil creatures; we use them to deceive ourselves. Bio-mechanics is god; a girl will act in a certain way because evolution has bred her to do so. “Bitch Shields”, and “playing hard-to-get” are not manipulative maneuvers used by women to conspire against men; they are simply evolved mechanisms that still serve the same primitive functions. Your ex girlfriend is flirting and sleeping with other guys because she is resentful right now, do not hate her for it. Yeah your girlfriend likes attention, she is still a girl, don’t hold it against her. Your wife sleeps with other men because she isn’t attracted to you, she is simply following her natural instincts, she isn’t inherently evil.
