Learning to control premature ejaculation without the use of drugs or desensitizers involves learning to read the signals your body is giving you, knowing when you are about to ejaculate, and pulling back from that point. The technique below is a variation on the common “start/stop technique”. Before you begin you should take some time to understand the basics of premature ejaculation, a bit about male sexual response, and what Kegel exercises are.
Use a stroking technique
Begin masturbating by stroking your penis up and down. This is the best method for these exercises as it most closely approximates penetration. Don’t think about premature ejaculation or trying to last longer. Just pay attention to the physical sensations in your penis and pelvic area as you masturbate.
Try to notice the “tickling” sensation prior to ejaculation
As you get close to ejaculation pay particular attention to the physical sensations in your body. Try to notice the “tickling” sensation that occurs just before you ejaculate. Once you know what that feeling is like, you can concentrate on the feelings that occur just before this stage, when it is still possible to stop ejaculation.
Get comfortable recognizing the “tickling” sensation
Continue masturbating without trying to last longer or think of anything special. Just pay close attention to how your body feels as you become more excited, and to recognizing the “tickling” feelings. Do this for at least the next three times you masturbate. Don’t stop yourself from ejaculating, just try to recognize the “tickling” feeling, and the feeling in your body just before the tickling feeling.
Start and stop masturbating to learn control
Once you can tell when the “tickling” sensation is going to come you’re ready to begin the exercises. Try to avoid fantasizing more than necessary, and don’t use lubricant or male sex toys while doing these exercises (they’re great, but they’ll come later).
Begin stimulation while paying close attention to the physical sensations in your body
Masturbate until you start to feel turned on and have an erection. Then stop the stimulation for at least 15 seconds and concentrate on the feelings of decreasing excitement in your body. Notice how your penis and pelvic area feel, and how that changes when you stop stimulation. Notice how the rest of your body feels.
Continue until you get close to the “tickling” sensation
Begin to masturbate again, and continue to start and stop periodically until you feel you are getting as close to the “tickling” stage as possible. When you feel yourself getting close stop until you feel you are back in control. Some men find that doing and Kegel squeezes helps them get back in control.
Don’t worry if you lose your erection
You may lose your erection when you stop the stimulation, but just start again. You may need to use fantasy to get excited again, but once you’re turned on, try to focus on your body. Bring yourself close to the tickling point three times. After this you can just masturbate until you ejaculate.
Pay close attention to your body, and repeat this exercise daily
You may find it difficult to do these exercises at first. You may lose your erection, your mind may wander, you might get bored. But try to stay with it, and practice this daily. As you do, two things will happen. First, the length of time you have to wait to regain control will gradually decrease. Second, the length of time you can continue stimulation between stops will increase.
Visualize your sexual response
Look at the diagram on this page which gives a visual representation of the start and stop technique. Each time you stop stimulating yourself try to picture your body responding as if on this graph.
Build up the number of times you stop
Increase the number of times you stop stimulating yourself until you have reached six. Once you can do the entire exercise (stimulating yourself just before the “tickling” point, stopping stimulation until you regain control, and then starting again) six times, begin to practice this daily.
Use a good lubricant
Once you’re feeling confident with the exercises, and are able to stop six times, you can increase the stimulation, and the usefulness of the exercises by using a good oil or water based personal lubricant. Because this is only for masturbation, an oil based lubricant is fine to use (but not safe for use with condoms, and not recommended for use in vaginal penetration).
Using the lubricant to simulate penetration, start the exercise.
As before, stimulate yourself as closely as possible to the point of ejaculation and then stop until control is regained. Begin by stopping three times before going on to ejaculate, then gradually increase the number of stops to six per session.
Once you feel comfortable, include a partner
If you are in a relationship, ultimately you need to bring your partner into the exercises. Don’t rush this, but once you feel confident with your ability to know when to stop and wait until you regain control, you can involve your partner in the exercises.
Tips:
- Don’t ever try to stop ejaculation once it has begun. If you go past that point, just let yourself ejaculate.
- Try to use fantasy only as much as you need to. Because of the starting and stopping, you might need it to get yourself aroused again, but once you are turned on, try to focus back on your body and how it feels.
- If you usually masturbate by rubbing your pelvis against something, try to use a stroking method. For these exercises, this makes it easier. If you have to change your usual method for the exercises, take a few sessions to get comfortable with this new method.
- Some men find Kegel exercises help them both by increasing their knowledge of their sexual response, but also the Kegel squeezing can return a feeling of control when you are approaching the point of no return.
- As you go on to each new step you may find yourself losing some of the control you have developed. This will happen, but if you keep practicing you’ll continue to progress.
