If you’ve never had anal sex you may have a lot of questions about it. It’s confusing because on the one hand, it seems to be a more taboo, less frequently practiced kind of sex, one that requires special knowledge and care. And on the other, if you believe what you see in pornography, anal sex is just like any other kind of sex, no condoms, no mess, no communication required.
The truth is somewhere in the middle.
Anal sex may still be taboo but that’s a social and cultural thing, it isn’t anything about the sex itself. People can have anal sex that is as safe, pleasurable and fun as any other kind of sexual activity. And anal sex does require communication, will involve condoms (most of the time) and it can be a bit messier.
After wondering if if has to hurt (it doesn’t) the most common question I get from people who haven’t had any sex before is whether or not it means they will come into contact with poo or feces.
Some Poop Anatomy
Let’s start with an anatomy lesson. The rectum and anal canal, which is where you’re heading if you’re having anal sex, are passageways, not storage areas. This is not where feces are stored (that’s higher up). If you’ve had a healthy bowel movement that day and you do a little external wash up (maybe put your finger inside your anus a little way while your washing), there shouldn’t be more than minute fecal matter in your rectum. Whether your anal sex involves fingers, a penis, or a dildo, you won’t be bumping up against a whole lot of bm (as teachers and nurses like to call it).
If You Can’t Deal with the Poop, Stay Out of the…
You aren’t going to be covered in feces for having anal sex, but it is possible, maybe even likely, that when something goes into your anus, it will come out with a little bit of fecal matter, which may or may not be visible.
This is why using condoms and gloves is so important.
Not only do they keep you clean and reduce the chance that you’ll forget and touch your eye or put your fingers in your mouth (or your partners vagina, if they have one), but if you are squeamish, condoms and gloves put a solid barrier between you and the possible poo you want to avoid.
Having said that, if you are still grossed out by this possibility, maybe you should consider another possibility: that you aren’t ready for this sexual activity.
Sex can be messy. Messy isn’t bad and messy needn’t be dangerous. But messy can mean you need to talk about something or you need to be able to clean yourself or your partner up with a sense of fun and humor. None of us want to finish sex and feel like we have made our partner dirty (in a bad way).
But Someone Told Me….
If you’ve read stories about large amounts of excrement coming out of nowhere and you’re worried about this happening to you, chances are it won’t.
First of all, consider the liklihood that many stories you come across aren’t true. If you or your partner have bowel incontinence it’s possible that this could happen. In this case you may still be able to have anal sex (but it’s a good idea to talk with your doctor first). Just be sure to have a bowel movement beforehand. Finally, some of those stories that involve “surprise” fecal matter aren’t really surprises. If you talk to the people involved sometimes you find out that this was something that was planned, and one or both of the partners enjoyed it.
