A reader asks, “Every guy that I’m into, I have to chase. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t ever get the guy I want, no matter what I do! What do I have to do to get a guy to chase me, especially one that I actually like?“
Not that long ago, I too asked myself a similar question. In fact, most of my teen years and all of my 20s were spent trying to crack this nugget. Somewhere along the way though, something shifted within me.
I went from feeling frustrated and sometimes even angry that guys didn’t see me “like that“, to having men beg me to spend time with them, date them, even marry them. And yes, many of them were highly desirable to me, and I felt a connection with.
How did I do it, considering that I’ll never be the youngest, brightest, skinniest, most attractive woman in the room?
The shift within me took years to hone and perfect, and now, I’ve attracted the man of my dreams. It was effortless, I did little other than just be myself. He sees me as perfect exactly as I am, flaws and all.
If I had to break the process down into steps, these are the ones I took.
Know What You Want
Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time focused on what we don’t want. “I can’t believe he did that“, or, “I’m so frustrated, he just won’t pay attention to me“, both fall within this category of “don’t want“. Spend a day bringing your attention to your wants. Every time you start talking, thinking, doing something that you “don’t want“, switch quickly to the opposite.
What do you want? Share that, say that, confirm that, engage with that. I often find it easier for my readers and clients to do this for a day with a trusted friend who will gently help you (and you them in turn) to change the focus.
Confirm The Movie You Want To Play
When you say, constantly, to anyone willing to listen, “I always have to chase the guy(s) I like, and they never want me“, you’re playing a movie. The neurons firing in your brain don’t know the difference between a movie and reality – so why would you choose to play a movie, or repeat a story like a broken record, that doesn’t align exactly with what you want?
Every time you catch yourself playing a negative movie, stop. Choose your movie. Be the protagonist and hero of your own story. Make sure that every movie you choose, it’s exactly the one you want to feel, be, and experience.
Understand The Right Guy Only Sees You
As a teenager, one of my best friends was a beautiful woman that had men falling over themselves to give her flowers, get her attention, even just talk to her. Every time we went out, she’d have suitors lined up. It became a bit of a giggle and expected to have random gents wave us down while driving, only to tell her how beautiful she was.
At the time, this behavior hurt me. I felt ignored, pushed aside, and invisible. If any of these guys ever spoke with me, it was because they wanted an in with my friend. No one ever asked me for my phone number, told me I was beautiful, or engaged with me beyond getting information about my gal pal. Now however, when I’m with a girlfriend that has this kind of energy (we all have one in our group of friends!), I use her as a filter. I see the kinds of men attracted to her, and I find a place of joy and happiness. I realize that, if these men don’t see me as a ‘catch’, as someone worthy of chasing, as the one woman in the room they can’t stop thinking about – well, I know they’re a better fit for someone else.
When you understand this concept with as much faith as you believe the chair you’re sitting in is real, you’ll quickly start to meet men that don’t even notice your friend. They’ll only have eyes for you.
Have Faith
For me, this was the trickiest of the steps, yet once I mastered it, it changed everything in my life.
When you have faith, you know in the core of who you are that something is true. There’s zero question, say, that the sun will shine again tomorrow. Perhaps there is a question in your mind that the sun will come out, and so, pick something else that you have 100% faith in. Then, feel that same feeling about men wanting you. Or, specifically, the right man wanting you. Take that faith, and use it to convince yourself that when you’re both ready, he’ll appear. Sure, it’s a bit of faking it until you make it, yet, it works. It takes all of the things I’ve shared in this article and puts them into active practice. It forces you to see where you’re still doubting or holding what you want away from yourself, and instead choosing to know it’s on its way to you.
“But Michelle“, said a girlfriend of mine recently when I shared all of this with her. “Guys flock to you. I want whatever mojo you have for myself! I’m trying, but…“
Here’s the thing. I can say, “I want to play the saxophone“, but if I’m not actually playing the saxophone, well, I’m not trying, am I? There is no try, there is only doing.
