Buying sex toys discreetly hasn’t been a problem for a while. In the pre-Internet days mail order catalogs offered some discretion, when compared to walking into an adult bookstore, or worse still, buying adult material in a regular store, but you still had to figure out what to do with the catalog, itself physical proof of one’s sexual desire and to some people’s minds, ones sexual perversion.
It might be nice if we all felt so open and unashamed that this wasn’t an issue – and the way that sex toys have become part of mainstream popular culture might lead you to believe that we are all out and proud about our sex toy use – but the truth is that many of us still feel sexual shame and for any number of reasons we aren’t comfortable with family, friends, neighbors, and postal carriers knowing anything about our sex lives. This is okay.
You shouldn’t have to be out and proud about your sex toy use in order to have the opportunity to use and enjoy sex toys. Any good sex shop will explain how they ship and bill discreetly. Usually they will have a corporate name that is different from the store name (so “Susie’s Dildo Shack” doesn’t show up on your Visa bill) and they all ship in plain wrapping with a generic return address. At least the good stores do.
But for some it isn’t just a worry about getting the dildo to the door. It’s what happens once your sex toy is safely inside your home. What if someone finds it? One approach might be to work on feeling less anxious about that. But another is to purchase what the sex toy industry has started referring to as a discreet sex toy.
Discreet sex toys are sex toys that don’t look like sex toys. Of course as the sex toy industry develops what “looks like a sex toy” changes. Gone are the days when all sex toys looked like peach colored penises or off white phallic “massagers”. Still, many sex toys visually reference their functionality, and in that way, they read as sexual devices.
Discreet sex toys can be thought of as breaking down into three different categories. There are toys that are discreet mostly in their size. They are small, easy to travel with, unlikely to raise a security guard’s curiosity. Then there are sex toys that are incognito. These are sex toys that look like some other consumer product (for example a hairbrush, a rubber ducky, lipstick). Finally there are sex toys that don’t look like something else, but also don’t immediately look like they are necessarily for sex.
Some would say that objects have an energy and I think most people who know something about sex toys would agree that all of the items below could be read as sex toys by some people. But that would be on careful examination. A quick glance of one of these items, particularly when glanced by someone who isn’t already familiar with it, could leave them guessing long enough to give you time to put the object away. And of course if they are familiar enough with it to know what it is, you might decide that you have less reason to feel embarrassed about your ownership of said toy.
The toys are listed alphabetically, not in any order of preference or rating.
I Rub My Duckie
One of the earliest incognito vibes, this toy not only looks just like a classic yellow rubber ducky, but it’s fully waterproof and functions just like a rubber ducky. Only with this duck, when you squeeze its back it comes buzzing to life. Single speed and mild vibrations probably mean this isn’t a toy for everyone. But it’s one of the most stealthy vibes around.
Duet
This discreet, high end vibrator doesn’t look like any other vibrator or any other object, except maybe a USB keychain. The Duet is a powerful vibrator designed for clitoral stimulation and is powered by a rechargeable motor that is charged via any USB port. Easy to travel with, the Duet will go unnoticed in a briefcase or toiletries bag.
Form 2
Form 2 is one of several Jimmyjane designs that don’t read at first glance as necessarily having anything to do with sex. In fact many people say that Form 2 looks a bit like a tooth. But it’s a powerful, waterproof, rechargeable silicone vibrator that features two motors, one in each tip, that are meant to function a little like the ears of a rabbit vibrator. Explaining the charging base may be a bit more complicated, but the Form 2 is a gem.
Better Than Chocolate
This toy looks a lot like a flattened out computer mouse, although the bright pink color hints at the excitement this toy creates. Better Than Chocolate combines two new technologies. First, the motor is controlled by a touch pad that allows the user to swipe and tap their way through various speeds and modes of vibration. Secondly, this product can be switched to music mode allowing the user to experience vibrations in sync to music playing in the room or through any MP3 player.
Gossip Ring
For those on a budget, this ring offers a cute introduction to vibration that’s wearable and, from a distance, just looks like a cool ring. Close up the small bullet vibrator is visible, but you can also remove the bullet for public wearing and you’re left with a kind of groovy shiny ring. During use the single speed vibrator may not be strong enough for many, but for folks who like gentle vibration it could certainly do the trick. In style.
Laya Spot
A pre-cursor to the Better Than Chocolate design, one of the first “mouse-style” external vibrators, the Laya has been a workhorse of discreet vibration for years. Brightly colored and battery operated, Laya looks like any number of remote control gadgets, but delivers quiet, variable speed and multi-mode vibrations. It’s waterproof too.
Leaf Life
A high end, rechargeable, silicone vibrator that comes in a shockingly verdant green, the Leaf Life vibrator may be the most powerful (and most expensive) of the discreet vibrators in this category. Quiet and incredibly easy to use, this vibrator has just one push button to control the multi-speed, multi-mode vibrator.
Lipstick Vibrator
Many incognito sex toys only slightly resemble the form they hide behind. Not so with the lipstick vibrator. Put the cap on this toy and you’ll never know the difference (in fact if you keep it in your purse be sure that you’re pulling the right lipstick out at the right time). Fully waterproof, this battery powered model has three speeds and one pulsating setting, and the manufacturer claims that it will run for 80 minutes without needing to replace the batteries (a claim I haven’t tested).
Little Chroma
This may not qualify as a discreet sex toy. After all it does look a bit like a cigar, itself a suggestive shape. But it’s noticeably thinner, and when was the last time you saw a magenta cigar? Chroma is a high end vibrator with a sleek design that makes most people pause when they first see it, if only because they aren’t used to seeing sex toys that look and feel so beautiful. Fully waterproof, single speed, with a replaceable battery powered motor.
Make Me Over
Pair this with your lipstick vibrator and your set for a night, or two, or three, out on the town. A vibrator in the form of a compact, Make Me Over comes in a compact case (complete with mirror) which doubles as a charger. Just plug the case into any USB port and while the vibrator is in the case, it’s charging. The “puff” side of the toy is made of silicone and is backed by hard plastic and a soft rubber strap that you can slip your fingers or hand into for ease of use.
Sex a Peel
Okay, so this isn’t going to fool anyone, but still, when a manufacturer goes to the trouble of making a 100% silicone neon pink banana vibrator, they deserve some props for it. The removable vibrator sticks out of the banana when it is in place, but even when it’s not, it’s hard to imagine anyone picking up the Sex-A-Peel and not imagining what might be done with it. I suppose you could always call it modern art.
Tenga Eggs
The only toy geared specifically to penile stimulation Tenga eggs are soft, stretchy, textured silicone sleeves that are designed to fit over the penis and create extra and unique stimulation. But they come packaged in cute plastic egg containers. Once the egg is open, the cat is out of the bag. But before that you’ve just got some plastic eggs lying around. Who knows what they’re for?
