For many men, the term ‘Erectile Dysfunction’ can be a source of anxiety and frustration. While physical factors often contribute to this condition, there’s another dimension that’s frequently overlooked – psychological erectile dysfunction. In this discussion, we’ll delve into the psychological aspects of this issue, exploring the emotional and mental factors that can affect a man’s ability to achieve and maintain an erection. Understanding these elements is the first step towards finding effective strategies and solutions for dealing with psychological erectile dysfunction and improving overall sexual well-being.
Can’t get it up during sex? It might not be a physical problem
In a previous article, I offered some advice to men who are having trouble pleasing their female partners. But on the opposite end, there are also plenty of guys out there who have difficulty achieving orgasms themselves when intimate with others. The type of erectile dysfunction I’d like to discuss, however, does not include men dealing with physical factors due to age, medication, chronic illness, drug use, or mere fatigue – I’m referring specifically to men who are unable to perform due to a mental obstruction.
While this problem can easily become emotionally destructive for any couple, the good news is that unlike with the previously mentioned physical circumstances, psychological erectile dysfunction can be solved without the aid of pills, pumps or surgery (ouch).
In other words, there’s nothing wrong with the hardware – the software just needs a reboot.
Yes, It Happened to Me
To be perfectly frank, even I – the studly, successfully married dating coach – have dealt with this issue before. At one point in college, I was so intimidated by the greater sexual experience and dominant persona of the older woman I was dating (*high five!*), that I was unable to maintain an erection whenever intimacy would begin to ramp up (*meekly pulls back outstretched palm*). Not only was my predicament quite embarrassing, it put a lot of stress on our relationship.
In my case, we were able to work through the problem because my girlfriend also happened to be very understanding. There were certainly moments in which she lost patience and began to express moments of doubt, but I continually expressed how much I cared about her, and reassured her that my difficulty had nothing to do with her. I may not have been able to keep things going, but I pointed out that I was always able to get started.
Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to simply relax and appreciate the moment, and we were able to enjoy a healthy sex life for the duration of our relationship.
Why Does It Happen?
While indifference can certainly manifest as erectile dysfunction, it’s generally the least common of all causes for younger men. My crisis, for example, was largely due to insecurity and was not born out of any lack of interest for my girlfriend. For others, the problem may be rooted in stress, anxiety, guilt, or depression. But regardless of the reason, it’s important that you communicate your feelings and thoughts to your partner so that you can work through things together, as a team.
Talk About It
If you’re not able to address the issue directly with your partner, it might help to talk to a therapist. You should never feel shame in seeking professional help for anything that may be troubling you – especially sexual matters. A general psychologist might be able to help you identify the root of your problem, and a sex therapist might be able to offer some tangible behavioral methods of dealing with your obstacle. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk to an impartial third party who won’t make any judgments.
Don’t Dwell
Whichever route you take in dealing with your problem, you and your partner must do your best not to obsess over it out of frustration. It’s great to discuss ways to be proactive about the issue (e.g. plan a relaxing evening, put a temporary hold on sex to take the pressure off, etc.), but don’t make it the topic of discussion every night. Dwelling on it will only stress you out more, exacerbating the situation and taking you further and further from a solution. I know: When someone tells you to “not think of a pink elephant”, all you can do is think of one. But rest assured that if you can tough out the temporary setback, and continue to build trust with your partner in other emotional and mental ways while keeping the lines of communication open, I promise that over time, things will get better.
