Discovering that a friend is cheating on their partner can be a difficult and morally challenging situation. In this guide, we’ll navigate the delicate waters of addressing such a dilemma with care and integrity. Whether you’re torn between loyalty and honesty or simply seeking guidance on how to support your friend, we’ll explore the thoughtful steps to take when faced with this complex moral quandary.
Should you cover for an unfaithful friend?
Anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that it’s one of the most painful, heart-wrenching relationship woes a person can experience. So what are you supposed to do when your best friend confides in you that he or she has been cheating on a significant other? Does being a loyal, “good friend” trump your responsibility to speak up and prevent further wrongdoing? And what if you are friends with both the cheater and the victim?
When I found out that my friend was cheating on her husband, I experienced emotions that mirrored the stages of grief: I felt shock, sadness, anger, worry, and hurt, to name a few. In my opinion, any form of romantic communication – whether flirty emails, sexts, kissing, or more – is a violation of trust and can be considered cheating. My friend, however, justified her betrayal with the fact that her husband wasn’t paying as much attention to her as he used to. A successful – and often preoccupied – businessman, he worked long hours and “probably wouldn’t care anyway”, she reasoned.
I struggled tremendously with what to do. On one hand, I adored her husband like a brother – on the other, perhaps this predicament was none of my business. I knew that this new guy made my friend feel attractive again – something her husband hadn’t done for her for years – and revealing the secret would likely cause her husband to crumble. Still, I considered letting her husband know, or even just giving my friend’s fling a piece of my mind.
For a while, I didn’t do anything, hoping that the new affair would simply fizzle out. But when it didn’t, eventually I could no longer remain silent. Besides, surely my friend’s husband was aware that his relationship with my friend was different; that she was exhibiting emotional and physical distance. By speaking up, I knew that I could lose one or both of my closest friends, but I couldn’t live with myself without doing something.
So, I mentioned to my friend’s husband that his wife was acting strange, and asked him if he had noticed similar behavior. After revealing that he had, he asked me what I thought was going on. Without giving away any details about cheating, I replied that she probably misses their time together since he’s been working so much. I suggested that they go out and do something fun as a couple. I even offered to dog-sit so they could have a romantic weekend vacation.
And just that small seed I had planted started to change their relationship. The affair was put to rest, and the romance slowly recovered. Ultimately, I didn’t have to say anything about the actual cheating because I was able to help steer them back onto a track of intimate bonding and open communication. Sometimes an outside perspective is all it takes.
Of course, if it hadn’t worked out that way, I was prepared to confront my best friend’s fling and tell him to knock it off. You might have to be prepared to do the same. But with some careful conversations and a bit of gentle nudging towards reestablishing emotional connection, the problem should come to the surface – or even work itself out – without having to put your own relationships at risk.
