Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you need to stop dating. Quite the opposite is true, in fact: an active dating life is crucial to the health of any marriage. No, I’m not talking about committing infidelity or embracing a life of polyamory – I’m suggesting you make an effort to date your spouse!
If there’s anything I’ve learned in the year since I’ve wed my bride, it’s that marriage requires work and maintenance.
Failing to make dedicated time for one another is the quickest way to grow apart. And in this internet age, with couples equally committed to careers, and schedules filling up faster than you can say the word “iCalendar”, it’s quite easy to go through an entire day without seeing, or even talking to your partner. The best way to stay connected is to dedicate a specific night (or two!) each week during which you can give your husband or wife your undivided attention.
Dates can range in scope from the low-key and casual to the intense and grandiose, depending entirely on your personalities and schedules. My wife and I, for example, like to continually change things up: a typical date night might require nothing more than Japanese take-out and an On-Demand movie (or an episode of The Bachelor if I’m being honest). But we’ve certainly spent our fair share of times together attending rock concerts, dining at romantic restaurants, or perusing art museums. And twice a year we go on vacation together – which usually includes one shorter weekend away and one longer, more indulgent excursion (make this rule part of your marriage vows!).
Making time for one another in such ways does a number of things for your relationship. On the most basic level, it allows you to learn about one another. What have you each been up to on your own time? A date will permit you to fill each other in on the details of your own hectic lives.
Secondly, a date night will help to strengthen your emotional connection. By devoting time to one another, you’ll be able to discuss any pressing issues that might be of concern to you or your spouse. A successful couple is one capable of growing together, and date night can be a great opportunity to work on your relationship. Even if nothing needs direct tending to, just by spending time together you’ll be reminded of why you love this person in the first place.
Of course, by strengthening your emotional connection you’ll also improve your physical chemistry as well. A couple more deeply in love is a couple more likely to get “frisky”. Both romantic and casual date nights will increase sexual desire and the general frequency with which sex occurs. No one can complain about that.
But most important to keep in mind is that just as when you were single, dates should be – first and foremost – fun. Take a breather from your hectic work life, and regularly carve out a relaxing, invigorating, or inspiring few hours with the person you love. It’s not only great for the relationship – it’ll be a great time!
