At What Point Should You Move On From A Partner Who Lies?
Every successful relationship is built on a foundation of trust – without it, you’re just a couple’a kids who like to make out now and then. So what happens when one partner breaches the other’s trust? Lying is a definite dating no-no – but dealing with someone who fibs isn’t as simple as blindly cutting ties with the offender forevermore. Usually, the situation is a bit more complicated than that.
Ultimately, whether or not you should forgive a liar comes down to the circumstances of the lie. Did your video-game-playing boyfriend claim he took the garbage out, when the trash bag is still clearly overflowing onto the kitchen floor? I’d call that a “white lie”. Or did he tell you that he’s visiting his sick grandmother when he’s actually getting it on with your best friend? I’d call that a “kick-his-ass-to-the-curb lie”.
If your partner lies about something small – a missed chore, a reason for being late, a fake Game of Thrones spoiler – it’s in both of your best interests for you to briefly state your disappointment, and then let it go. However, if the small lies start to pile up on top of each other, and the behavior has become habitual, the only solution is to sit your partner down for a discussion. You have every right to a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife whom you can trust – even when it comes down to the smallest, most seemingly insignificant things. Speak up, expressing how you feel – and don’t let go of the conversation until you feel like you’ve come to a mutual understanding.
On the other hand, some lies are too big to be overlooked, and must absolutely be dealt with immediately. Depending on how convincing your partner’s apology is, and just how forgiving of a person you are to begin with, only you can decide whether or not to exonerate him or her from sin.
Still, a few of the very worst lies are irrefutably inexcusable, offering grounds for dismissal after just one strike (as in the sick grandmother / best friend affair scenario outlined above). If you feel that you can no longer trust your partner after discovering that you’ve been lied to about a point already established as a dealbreaker, or you’ve been lied to more than once about something as serious as fidelity, pull the bandage off quickly: the sooner you leave that person behind, the better.
Remember, some lies are gifts: take note of such red flags and get out before any more damage is done.
