Here’s How To Know When It’s Time To Make Contact
It’s one of the biggest and scariest questions a person has to ask himself or herself after a seemingly successful date – and one of the most important when it comes to converting that fun first date into a joint forever filled with many more similar evenings to follow.
No, I’m not referring to whether you both like chocolate and Marvel movies (although these things matter, too).
The question is, “When do I call?”
The First Date Dance
First dates are already tough. Self-censorship is definitely necessary, as there’s plenty you don’t need to share on that first date, including your flaws, your feelings about children, your sexual experience, or the story of your breakup with the ex-who-is-Satan-incarnated.
On the other hand, you’ve got to be honest with Mr. or Mrs. Possibly Right, especially about certain aspects of yourself: occupation, interests, living arrangements, and marital status (a biggie!). Most of all, you’ve got to be up front about whether you’d like to hang again. While you should absolutely be wary of coming off as desperate, remember that it’s important to be honest about how you felt about the date. If you’d like to see your date again – or at all, if you only met briefly and exchanged numbers – be clear about that. Tell him or her that you had a great time chatting and/or hanging and would love to do it again. By showing your hand, you might always run the risk of rejection – but not showing it will likely result in nothing at all.
Whose Court Is the Ball In?
Once you know that your partner is down for another date (or a first one), the question becomes: whose place is it to call? Well, obviously if he or she asked for your number and didn’t return the favor, you’ve got no choice but to wait. And if you’re the only one who procured digits, it’s definitely on you.
If, however, you mutually exchanged contact info, you have the power to lay back or take charge. Girls traditionally wait, but there’s no reason for a woman not to flip the script and go after him. Guys, on the other hand, should beware of waiting longer than three days: this is a classic signal of disinterest.
To Dial Or Not To Dial?
The very next morning might not be the best time to dial, especially if you’ve both got hangovers. Later that day? Possibly. Two days later? Sure. By day three, it’s definitely time.
There are only three legitimate reasons to voluntarily wait beyond three days:
- Your date mentioned he or she has a big project/trip/obligation coming up
- You’ve mentioned that you have a big project/trip/obligation coming up
- If you agreed to chat “at the end of the week” or some other mutually chosen time
Otherwise, don’t wait any longer. And yes, definitely call. The fact that you’re “nervous” and would rather text is no excuse for not manning (or womaning) up. That’s because texting is impersonal, and your love interest will definitely pick up on the vast emotional distance. Don’t do it!
What If It Goes Poorly?
Did your call take a belly flop? Instead of wallowing in self-pity or humiliation, buck up and realize that rejection happens to everyone! It’s not whether or not you get rejected but how you deal with it that matters. If you did everything right and still got the blow off, don’t take it personally – it just wasn’t meant to be, and there was nothing you could do to recover. Trust us.
And remember, while these tips are great guidelines, don’t be afraid to make your own rules if you’re really excited about someone and can tell they feel the same. Call whenever you feel like it, and enjoy your fun new relationship! I’ll see you at the wedding.
