What Leads To Infidelity – And Can It Be Prevented?
So you caught your boyfriend or husband in bed with the babysitter or (if your life isn’t a porno) a random acquaintance. How could he have done something so hurtful and selfish? Is there something you could have done to keep him from straying? Why do men cheat in the first place?
Men Are Animals
Before you blame yourself for turning down his insensitive request for sex while you had a 102 degree fever – know that guys are biologically programmed to “spread their seed” far and wide to maximize reproductive opportunities.
Like baboons, we are visual creatures capable of achieving sexual arousal at the mere sight of side boob. And while, unlike monkeys, we have the ability to reason (and therefore infinitely more control over our actions), the sexual programming alerting us to attractive potential mates is impossible to turn off no matter how much we love our romantic partners. Of course, this doesn’t give us the excuse to break the trust and hearts of the women we date and love. The only guy worth dating or marrying is one who can manage both his libido and ego.
A Need To Feel Desired
Of course, women commit acts of infidelity too, and a survey by the controversial extramarital dating site AshleyMadison.com claims that 91% of women who cheat engage in an affair in order to save their marriage. While they don’t want to leave their husbands, they feel the need for more passion in the form of being appreciated and desired in the bedroom. The same study found that 88% of male cheaters are also often seeking the same level of emotional fulfillment.
This is not to say that an affair is ever the fault of the person who is cheated on, but the root of the problem might be a deficiency in the relationship as much as it is due to personal weakness.
The Path To Adultery
The longer we stay in relationships, the more monotonous they can begin to feel. Married men and women can easily become emotionally and sexually frustrated after five, twenty, or even seventy years of the same patterns (though if you’ve been married that long and your sex parts still work at all, I hereby give you permission to cheat). Even worse, fixing the fundamental problems associated with such long-term liaisons can seem more and more like a hopeless impossibility. Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat – they just don’t know how to repair the deeper problems in the marriage, so they can succumb to base sexual urges in an attempt to feel better. Unfortunately, a superficial affair with another woman rarely (if ever) quells the longing for more within the relationship. For true resolution, problems must be addressed internally.
Communication Is Key
The only way to potentially prevent yourself or your partner from making a silly, unfaithful mistake is to keep the lines of communication open at all times. While choosing your words very carefully and being sensitive to your significant other’s feelings, let him or her know that you’re feeling unfulfilled. Discuss how you might be able to make it better by explaining what you want and listening to his or her concerns. If you’re not happy, your partner likely isn’t happy, either, and just hasn’t spoken up about it yet. You both must be willing to make compromises. The more open a couple is to fixing immediate problems, the less likely those seemingly smaller issues will turn into a much bigger one down the road.
