What’s The Best Way To Introduce A Sex Toy To Your partner?
As we’ve discussed here before, after many years with the same partner, sometimes things can get a little stale in the bedroom. Other times, we might simply just want to give something new a try for fun. For these reasons, many couples use sex toys together – but incorporating such foreign gadgets into your sexual “routine” is not always a smooth process for many different reasons. To avoid awkwardness at the breakfast table the next morning, here are some tips on how to introduce a couple’s sex toy into the bedroom.
Know The Facts
First and foremost, know that your interest in bringing a toy to the bedroom is totally normal. In fact, our expert claims that, “Married women are twice as likely to own a sex toy than their single counterparts. Couples’ toys are one of the highest selling segments in the market, and they’re now available at mainstream drugstores and retailers”. Whether you’re a guy or girl, understand that your curiosity is only natural!
Explain Your Reasons
Both men and women might worry about bruising a partner’s ego, or fear judgment and rejection for making a sexual suggestion. As Fine explains, “People might think they’re getting replaced, or that their partner will want to use the toy 100% of the time. There can be a lot of emotion at stake!”. Communicate your reasons for wanting to try something new, reassuring your partner that you’re only interested in further elevating your already awesome connection. It’s important to check in frequently about sex in general, as our expert reminds us, “Being able to let your partner know what you do and don’t like is important to having good sex, whether or not toys are involved.”
Be A Team Player
But unless your partner truly prefers spontaneous surprises, don’t simply break out a new toy mid-thrust. Instead, have your open conversation before you’re in the bedroom – when sex isn’t on the table – to propose your idea and gauge your partner’s interest, giving him or her an equal amount of control in the relationship. our expert says, “Let your partner be part of the experience. Whether it’s picking out the toy to try together or letting your partner control the toy the first time, make sure that you’re keeping it a couples’ activity“. Fine continues, “Invite your partner to help you explore the best ways to use it. If you trust their taste, you can even grant them naming rights.”
Ease Into It
Some highly life-like toys – such as dildos, fleshlights, or dolls – can exacerbate a partner’s fears of being replaced. If you’ve never used sex toys together before, start out with ones that are less anatomical (and thus, less threatening), such as flavored lubes, rings, or sex dice.
Don’t Be Pushy
Most importantly, be sensitive to your partner’s feelings and wishes. Fine stresses, “Pushiness is probably the biggest no-no. While it’s your partner’s duty to respect your request, it’s your duty to respect their boundaries!” Don’t ever force your partner to do anything he or she feels completely uncomfortable with. Instead, simply keep the lines of communication – and your mind – wide-open!
