Whether the divorce was your idea or your spouse’s, most people find themselves experiencing negative emotions when their ex-spouse starts dating again. Does this mean you still love them? Are these feelings normal? These are common questions you may ask yourself when your ex-spouse starts dating again.
Here are 6 tips that will help you process those negative emotions:
Your feelings are perfectly normal
You spent a large part of your life with this person, and during the years you were together, dating and married, you came to think of that person as YOUR significant other. You two were a couple, and to see your spouse with someone else will trigger feelings in you that may be surprising and unpleasant.
It does not mean you are still in love but rather you are witnessing the evidence that your spouse now has someone else in the place you used to fill. Though you may not understand the feelings you are having, they are a natural part of moving on after a divorce. When you meet someone new, you will have a better perspective on how your ex is feeling about you and the relationship you both once had.
You should expect to feel jealous
Most people are puzzled as to why they are jealous of someone they didn’t want in their life any longer. It’s a common reaction. This was YOUR husband or YOUR wife, you expected fidelity, and now it may feel like cheating to see them with someone else.
Remember what you think and what you feel can sometimes be at odds, but it’s perfectly normal to feel some jealousy and even look for things to criticize in your ex’s new partner.
And, if you’ve not moved on to a new relationship of your own, your jealousy may stem from the mere fact that they have.
Remember the reasons you divorced
Divorce is not entered into lightly, and you probably have valid reasons for the divorce. Keeping this in mind will help you to accept the changes that have come as a result and the confusing feelings you are having over your ex dating again.
Every time you experience a negative reaction to your ex dating, stop and go through the list of reasons you are no longer married. Remembering the negative aspects of your marriage can go a long way in helping alleviate any the unpleasant idea of him/her dating again.
Move forward in your life
Is it possible you are uncomfortable with the idea of your ex dating because you are stuck and unable to move forward with your life?
I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, “The best revenge is living well”. Well, it’s true! If you are feeling jealous, the last thing you want is for your ex to know. Instead of focusing on what he/she is doing, focus on living the best life you can and before you know it, you won’t be concerned with whether or not your ex is dating.
No two relationships are the same
The relationship that you had with your ex will never be reproduced with anyone else. Each relationship between two people is different, and what you had together during your marriage will never be reproduced with someone else.
The special things you had together were unique to the two of you. So, when you feel jealousy or discomfort over your ex dating, remember that no one can really take the same place in your ex’s life that you had. So, keep in mind how unique you are and that you will also have someone new to share your life with one day.
Remember that your ex deserves to be happy
No matter how much conflict you lived through during the divorce process, if you search your heart, you really don’t want your ex to not move forward. You also don’t want to stay stuck yourself. You really don’t want him/her to be miserable. Letting go is a process, and it may take you some time and effort to get there.
The time will come when you are happy again. More than likely, with a new partner. When that time comes you aren’t going to waste time worrying about who your ex is with. Why not start not worrying about that now, instead of later?
Seeing your ex-spouse with someone else can be a shocking experience, but ultimately you will come to accept it, just as your ex will have to adjust to seeing new people in your life. Concentrate on the good memories you had and the good times to come.
