Honesty: the cornerstone of any relationship. Not only is it crucial to be honest with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife – but any pair must be open and truthful with one another from the very start for the best shot at a successful, healthy future.
And yet… believe it or not, there are actually a few specific things you do not in fact, have to be entirely forthcoming about on a first date. I’m not suggesting, of course, that you concoct a series of outright lies to cover up who you “really” are – but it’s best not reveal too much about your opinions on or experience with the following topics:
Sexual Experience
If there were ever a topic to avoid discussing altogether on a first date (right alongside politics and religion), it’d be sex. Talking about how many people you’ve slept with or when you last “got lucky” are specific no-nos, and you certainly don’t have to be honest about either until sex with one another is a realistic possibility.
Similarly, if you have any kinks – whether of the garden variety (e.g. feet fetish, BDSM, exhibitionism) or slightly more…advanced (e.g. water sports) – let your date get to know the rest of you before bringing him or her into that spicy world.
How Much You Want Children
Sure, it’s okay to let your date know that you see children in your future – but seeing children in your future with someone you’ve literally just met is downright creepy. Generally speaking, if you get too deeply into detail about how you’re “ABSOLUTELY DYING” to have a family, you’ll likely scare your date off. Most people want kids – but very few want them on the same night they’ve met someone new. Though children may be a priority in your life, put them at the bottom of your list of first date discussion topics.
Your Greatest Challenges
Dropping a bomb off the bat about your mental health, personality shortcomings, emotional walls, or previous traumas will rarely do you any good on a first date. Yes, you should be yourself and never be ashamed about who you are. And sure, both partners must be open about any mental or emotional hurdles before exclusivity has been established. But a first date isn’t the time for going so deep – it’s a time for superficial fun. If you’ve got a burning secret, save it until after you’re sure you’ll have a second date to let it out.
Obsessions
You may be proud of your Star Wars figurine collection or your 89 pairs of Louboutin shoes – but your date won’t see such commitments as “impressive“; he or she will only see Buffalo Bill, the serial killer from Silence of the Lambs. As meaningful as your hobby or accumulation (i.e. hoarding) may be to you, the level at which this obsession has taken over your life is not something you need to – or should – be honest about on a first date. Mention it as an “interest” and move on for now.
Previous Relationships
How did your last relationship end? Did you cheat on your significant other and break his or her heart? Or maybe you were the one who got totally crushed? Whatever the case may be, downplay the circumstances so as not to freak your partner out with baggage before the romance even has a chance to blossom. Even if the split was amicable, it’s best to keep past relationships in the past on a first date. There will be plenty of time to discuss previous experiences once you’ve both made the decision to make new experiences together.
His/Her Outfit
One day you’ll laugh together about the polka dot bow tie he wore to your first meeting, or the overalls she donned on that introductory evening. Tonight, just tell your date that he or she looks great, and leave it at that.
